Your Cart is Empty
When faced with the sorrow of a loss, participating in wakes and funerals can be a way to offer condolences and support to the bereaved. However, the customs and expectations surrounding these events may differ, and understanding them can help us navigate these solemn occasions with respect and empathy.
Wakes are gatherings before the funeral, traditionally held to watch over the deceased until burial. Today, wakes are more commonly a time for family and friends to meet, reminisce, and offer comfort to one another before the formal funeral service. They can be held at a funeral home, a family home, or another meaningful location and may last for several hours or take place over multiple days.
Funerals, on the other hand, are formal ceremonies that mark the burial or cremation of the deceased. They can be religious or secular, depending on the beliefs of the deceased and their family. Funerals are typically structured, with scheduled readings, hymns, eulogies, and a procession to the burial site.
The primary difference lies in their purpose and structure. Wakes are more informal and social, allowing for personal interaction and sharing of memories. Funerals are solemn and ceremonial, focusing on honoring the deceased through structured rituals.
At a wake, expect a mix of mingling and moments of reflection. There may be a viewing or visitation, where attendees can view the deceased if the casket is open. People might share stories or say prayers quietly by the casket.
At a funeral, expect a more formal atmosphere with specific periods for speeches, prayers, and musical pieces. Attendees should be prepared to follow the lead of the ceremony, standing, sitting, or participating in rituals as directed.
For both wakes and funerals, the traditional attire is conservative, subdued, and respectful. Dark colors like black, navy, or dark grey are standard. Avoid overly casual clothes like jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers. Women should wear modest dresses or suits, and men should opt for suits or dress pants with a collared shirt. However, always consider any specific requests by the family regarding attire, which might include wearing a particular color to honor the deceased.
Phones and Technology: Keep your phone on silent or turn it off during both wakes and funerals. Avoid using your phone for calls, texts, or social media browsing during the event. Taking photos or videos is typically frowned upon unless you are explicitly asked to do so by the family.
Social Media: Be very cautious with social media. Do not post pictures of the deceased, attendees, or the service without direct permission from the family. Respect their privacy and allow them to control how information about the event is shared publicly.
Gift Giving: Flowers are a common condolence gift, but some families may request donations to a charity instead. Always check the obituary or funeral announcement for specific preferences. Bringing food to the family’s home is also a thoughtful gesture, particularly during a wake.
Addressing the Family: Offer simple and heartfelt condolences. Phrases like "I’m sorry for your loss" or "My thoughts are with you" are appropriate. Listen more than you speak; your presence is a comfort in itself.
Duration of Stay: At a wake, it's acceptable to stay briefly, speaking to the family and maybe sharing a memory of the deceased. At a funeral, it’s courteous to stay for the entire service and, if possible, attend the burial or reception afterward to offer further support to the family.
Wakes and funerals are profound ways to honor a person’s life and support their loved ones. By understanding and adhering to the appropriate etiquette, you ensure that your presence provides comfort and respect during these significant times. Remember, the key is to offer sympathy and respect to the grieving family, helping them through their sorrow with your thoughtful and considerate actions.
